I wanted to
use this blog for crafting only, but I can’t shake of the thoughts and feelings
I had during today’s weekend grocery tour that I have to write it down
somewhere.
Today was a
very strange day. It’s been only a week since it was announced that schools and
kindergartens would close in order to prevent the spread of covid-19. Last
Wednesday I was still celebrating my birthday with my son’s friends and their
moms. This week we’ve been shutting ourselves away, avoiding everyone on our
walks, spending lots of time either inside or in our yard.
My son has cried several times because he misses meeting his friends and going to the
playground. I keep explaining to him why we have to stay at home so much. The
video Vienna put out really helps reminding him of what Corona does and how to
prevent getting sick. But I understand him, I totally do. I miss hanging out with the other moms, socializing while our kids play together. I am also already
starting to suffer from cabin fever. Being stuck at home, worrying about what’s
going on outside, I’m glued to my phone, checking news websites and social
media, checking in on friends and family to see how they’re doing. Being able
to walk the dog and let my 4yo ride his bike helps both of us a little bit.
Craft time does, too.
Today, I
went out to do grocery shopping, not unusual on a Saturday, but I left with a
knot in my stomach. I hoped that by being out and about, running errands, I
would get a little bit of my normal life back, shake of the feelings of doom
and gloom. We normally shop enough for the weekend and then pick up little
things several times during the week. Today my plan was to get as much shopping
and as much meal planning done so we wouldn’t have to go out as much during the
week. Especially not with two kids in tow. The stores had signs up on most
shelves to be considerate and not to buy more than the usual amounts for a
household. But what is the usual amount for a household?
Before we
bought the house and had children, we lived in a tiny apartment with a tiny
fridge that didn’t hold more food than for 3-4 days and we didn’t have a
freezer or the opportunity to store canned food anywhere. Now we have an American
sized fridge with one door being for frozen food and we have the possibility to
store. My 4yo loves canned lentil soup. If he could, he would eat it cold for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner. So buying 3 cans is not unusual, but when I
loaded them into my cart this time, I was wondering if it would be considered
hoarding, or a normal amount for a family that goes shopping only once a week. Is
it hoarding if I buy another package of toilet paper, even though we still have
enough at home until next weekend?
I also usually
buy 3 cans of baby formula – that’s the normal amount they let you buy, so no
shortage will arouse during non-corona times – now I was wondering if that was
still ok to do, after there had been rumors on facebook last week that there
was a formula shortage… Our shelves were stacked in double rows, though, and no
sign about limitations up, so I still went ahead and bought my 3 cans. But besides
that I picked up a lot of things that I normally would have gotten in a week or
two, like diapers, laundry detergent, dishwasher tabs, or toothpaste. I
basically bought anything that we will run out of eventually so that we wouldn’t
have to go out to get them. I probably did a month worth of shopping today. And
I have meals planned out for at least a week, as I am pretty sure the lockdown
will come sooner or later if people won’t follow orders. I also picked up more
canned vegetables than I normally would have, and I was wondering again if
people would judge me as a hoarder, or did I grab what would be considered
normal for a family of 4? I didn’t even go for the large tins, instead I was going
to for the small 1-2 portions cans to mix into salads, or make veggie rice, or
wraps… I felt really insecure and was questioning most of my shopping choices,
because it’s not how I’m used to doing my shopping.
It took me
almost 4 hours to get to all the stores and get the shopping done. Not just because
I bought more than on a usual weekend run, but because I was navigating people.
I tried to keep my distance to everyone, but navigating one person often
resulted in stepping in somebody else’s way. I felt like the paths between shelves
were so narrow, that it was impossible to keep 1.5m away from someone who was walking
towards you. When someone was blocking a shelf I needed to get to, I didn’t step
closer to reach for what I needed, but waited instead until they were done.
When a cart was blocking my way and the owner was nowhere to be seen, I used my
elbow to push it aside instead of touching it with my hand, wondering if anyone
had disinfected the handles that morning (would it even matter? That card had
probably been touched by a dozen people since then…) and whether I should have
brought gloves. And the whole time I had this tight feeling in my chest, making
me unable to breathe normally. I was sweating, not from the pullover I was
wearing, but from the anxiety of being surrounded by so many people, not
knowing who may unknowingly carry the virus. You could tell that many felt
uneasy being out, too. Crossing paths, they stopped, not talking, just
gesturing who would get to go first, some keeping even more than the required
distance to other shoppers in line at the register. An elderly couple tried to
figure out if the cans of beans in their hands was what they were looking for.
They had trouble reading the label. I offered my help, but especially the old
lady looked at me with unease/fear, said “no, thank you” and turned back to her
husband…. And then there were others, consumed with the thought of what they
had to get, they ran into people, reached over their shoulders to get their
items out of the shelves, they skipped the line because they didn’t pay
attention to the safety distance…
Getting
into my car didn’t bring much relief, knowing that in a moment I would have to
go out again and into the next store. Only after my last stop when I was on my
way home, I felt relief wash over me. Home, back to the safe space, back to
where no danger is lurking. I skipped the hardware store… 3 out of the 4
lightbulbs in our living room ceiling lamp are broken and need to be replaced,
but I didn’t want to walk into another store, exposing myself to the outside
world again. I’m probably going to order them on Amazon…
So instead
of making me feel better being outside, it made me feel worse. I hope the
weather will be better and warmer soon, so we can spend a lot of time in the
yard, work the flower beds to fight cabin fever without being exposed to other
people. I got some seeds for kitchen herbs, tomatoes, and salad that I’m planning
on planting on the balcony with my son, so he can do his own bit of gardening. And
hopefully a medication or vaccine is found soon, that is effective against the
virus so we can return to our normal lives…
But today
makes me wonder, if I’m the only one feeling like that. Am I overreacting? Or are
others just not taking the situation serious? Or is everyone feeling just like
me and is just not talking about it?...
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